If you look at my bio, you'll see that I readily admit I have no publishing credits, no optioned or sold screenplays, and I probably shouldn't call myself a writer. So, why do I call myself a writer, since I obviously suck so bad? Because I don't suck, and I am a writer, and I have written a lot of work in my life that you'll probably never read.
People tend to think that selling work as a writer is easy. It can be easy, or it can be extremely difficult. There are a lot of factors other than the quality of writing that determine whether or not one's writing sells. I may be one of the greatest screenwriters in the world, but I'm such a jerk that nobody wants to do business with me. Or maybe I have a medical condition that makes pursuing my dreams nearly impossible. Or maybe I have legal and financial obligations that preclude the screenwriting career I always dreamed of. Or maybe I'm just BSing you and I don't know anything about writing.
People tend to think that selling work as a writer is easy. It can be easy, or it can be extremely difficult. There are a lot of factors other than the quality of writing that determine whether or not one's writing sells. I may be one of the greatest screenwriters in the world, but I'm such a jerk that nobody wants to do business with me. Or maybe I have a medical condition that makes pursuing my dreams nearly impossible. Or maybe I have legal and financial obligations that preclude the screenwriting career I always dreamed of. Or maybe I'm just BSing you and I don't know anything about writing.
Selling a screenplay to Hollywood is like landing a starting position in the major leagues. It happens, but it takes this right combination of talent and work and opportunity and luck. I remember years ago watching an ESPN profile about an aspiring IndyCar driver who had tried to race with under-funded teams and failed to make it in the series' top division because the cars he was competing against were just had so much more money invested in them (If you don't know anything else about automobile racing, just know that what Smokey Yunick said in the 1950s is still true today: "Speed costs money. How fast do you want to go today?"). I don't remember this driver's name and I don't remember much about his story, but I'll never forget what he said at the end of the interview: "I watch the races every week, and I see guys out there making mistakes that I never make -- they're not matching their revs on a downshift, and you can tell because the nose of their car dives. Little things like that that I know from experience. Their mistakes are so obvious and it's so frustrating to know that they're out there and I'm not. And I probably never will be."
Even as a young illiterate writer back in college, I felt empathy for this race car driver. There are people in every profession, in every walk of life, who have talent and ability and skill far greater than those who have "made it", yet they watch from the sidelines without ever being able to break into the game themselves no matter what they do or how much they want it.
Even as a young illiterate writer back in college, I felt empathy for this race car driver. There are people in every profession, in every walk of life, who have talent and ability and skill far greater than those who have "made it", yet they watch from the sidelines without ever being able to break into the game themselves no matter what they do or how much they want it.
I write this blog for aspiring writers, for beginners who want to learn. This isn't a blog for the struggling Hollywood screenwriter who's only making 5- or 6-figures and wants to land a 7-figure deal. This blog is entirely about growing as a writer and exploring the craft of writing with the mindset of becoming a good enough writer to sell your first screenplay.
By the time someone hits the majors, in this case Hollywood, they shouldn't need a blog like this to tell them anything. People who do work in Hollywood should know more about writing than me. Their advice should be more valuable than mine. I'm not trying to pretend I'm an industry insider with snake-oil secrets of success.
By the time someone hits the majors, in this case Hollywood, they shouldn't need a blog like this to tell them anything. People who do work in Hollywood should know more about writing than me. Their advice should be more valuable than mine. I'm not trying to pretend I'm an industry insider with snake-oil secrets of success.
I write this blog because most writing advice on the internet is crap. Most writing gurus want to sell you a class or a DVD or script coverage or whatever. That's not me. I want to help you be a better writer. Will I ever write a screenwriting book and throw it on Amazon? Probably. Will I use this free blog as a tease to get your money? God, I hope not. I pray I never lose that much of my soul.
Most writing advice on the internet is intended to get you pumped up. It's emotional. "Just write." I see that so much it makes me want to punch my screen. "If you want to write, just write."
Listen to me. If you believe nothing else, believe this. NOBODY FINDS SUCCESS BY JUST WRITING.
Yes, you have to write. You have to write a lot. You have to write for years. But writing isn't a case of all roads leading to Rome. If you're in New York City, would you just get in a car and start driving and assume you'll eventually end up in Hollywood? If you're already in L.A., would you just pick a direction and start walking in a straight line and assume you'll eventually get to the doorstep of a major studio?
This advice needs to be rewritten. "Learn storytelling, then write." But the problem with that, it doesn't get anybody pumped up. Nobody stars or retweets that. Nobody makes infographics that say "Learn storytelling, then write" and then plasters them all over Pinterest or Instagram or Facebook.
This advice needs to be rewritten. "Learn storytelling, then write." But the problem with that, it doesn't get anybody pumped up. Nobody stars or retweets that. Nobody makes infographics that say "Learn storytelling, then write" and then plasters them all over Pinterest or Instagram or Facebook.
Why? Because learning isn't fun. Learning requires work and effort and we've all been tainted by school to believe that learning is hard and we've been taught by the poison of popular culture that we don't need to learn anything, we already have everything inside us we need and we just have to let it out.
There's a real culture of rebellion against the rules of writing. We want to believe that if we watch enough movies we can write a movie. We want to believe that we can magically make happen what we see happen so effortlessly on the screen. We want to believe that we're good enough and talented enough and, doggone it, people like us.
Would we seriously tell anyone who wanted to play professional football or baseball to just go play after watching a few games on TV? Don't worry about the rules and go give it your best? Would we send a hundred-pound thirteen year old onto the field with NFL linebackers?
Just because you eat a lot of steak dinners, do you think you could become a butcher without any training? Or open your own restaurant? Just because you drive a car, does that make you qualified to run an automobile company?
Oh, but what about so-and-so who sold their first screenplay for $3 million dollars? They didn't have to spend years learning how to write.
Yes, they did. And every time I hear some writer say they just sat down and started writing and the magic came out of their fingertips, I want to scream at the TV or computer screen, "LIAR LIAR LIAR!" Because that's really what this boils down to. They may not have taken any classes, they may not have an MFA degree, but at some point in their life they learned how to tell a story. They learned what the industry wants and they learned how to write in a way that would allow them to make money with their writing.
Some people just want to be special. I don't know why, but that need to be special drives them to pretend that they never studied, that they were born with this natural, innate ability to write screenplays and the whole notion is as stupid as someone saying they woke up one morning and could play Mozart on the piano without any lessons or any training.
Screenwriting, more than any other form of writing, takes special skills. Yeah, maybe somebody can sit down at their computer and write a novel just by pouring their heart out on the keyboard. A novel is a canvas upon which there are near infinite possibilities. A screenplay is a technical document, a blueprint for a movie that hasn't been made yet. Without knowing how blueprints are drawn, you're not going to design a skyscraper.
But let's just say I'm bitter and making gross assumptions because I'm a loser and I've never done anything exceptional in my life and I never will. Does that change the fact that writers need to learn how to write screenplays? Does that change the fact that if you're making millions in Hollywood already, you probably wouldn't be reading this?
If you're still reading this, listen to me. Learn the rules. You can hate them all you want. You can think they're stupid and pointless and strangling your creativity. That's fine. I don't care. Just learn them. Otherwise, you run the very real risk of sitting here years from now telling people you want to be a screenwriter but with no idea how to actually write a screenplay.
Just because you eat a lot of steak dinners, do you think you could become a butcher without any training? Or open your own restaurant? Just because you drive a car, does that make you qualified to run an automobile company?
Oh, but what about so-and-so who sold their first screenplay for $3 million dollars? They didn't have to spend years learning how to write.
Yes, they did. And every time I hear some writer say they just sat down and started writing and the magic came out of their fingertips, I want to scream at the TV or computer screen, "LIAR LIAR LIAR!" Because that's really what this boils down to. They may not have taken any classes, they may not have an MFA degree, but at some point in their life they learned how to tell a story. They learned what the industry wants and they learned how to write in a way that would allow them to make money with their writing.
Some people just want to be special. I don't know why, but that need to be special drives them to pretend that they never studied, that they were born with this natural, innate ability to write screenplays and the whole notion is as stupid as someone saying they woke up one morning and could play Mozart on the piano without any lessons or any training.
Screenwriting, more than any other form of writing, takes special skills. Yeah, maybe somebody can sit down at their computer and write a novel just by pouring their heart out on the keyboard. A novel is a canvas upon which there are near infinite possibilities. A screenplay is a technical document, a blueprint for a movie that hasn't been made yet. Without knowing how blueprints are drawn, you're not going to design a skyscraper.
But let's just say I'm bitter and making gross assumptions because I'm a loser and I've never done anything exceptional in my life and I never will. Does that change the fact that writers need to learn how to write screenplays? Does that change the fact that if you're making millions in Hollywood already, you probably wouldn't be reading this?
If you're still reading this, listen to me. Learn the rules. You can hate them all you want. You can think they're stupid and pointless and strangling your creativity. That's fine. I don't care. Just learn them. Otherwise, you run the very real risk of sitting here years from now telling people you want to be a screenwriter but with no idea how to actually write a screenplay.
Ever heard the expression, "A stopped clock is right twice a day?" The irony is, a stopped clock is more accurate than a clock that's set to the wrong time, because the clock that's set to the wrong time just keeps running all on its own. It's never right. And if you just keep doing the wrong things, over and over, you'll never be right either. Stop, take the time to learn what the right things are, and then you'll surprise yourself at how much better your writing will become.
Most screenwriting advice on the internet comes from people like me. I'm not successful. I probably never will be. If I had a career making millions, I wouldn't have time to write this blog. It's hard enough to find time as it is.
If you already know more than I know about screenwriting and storytelling, then great. Hopefully I'll have the opportunity to learn someday. But I'm not writing this blog for you, I'm writing it for everyone who wants to be a writer and doesn't yet know all the things they need to know to get there.
Don't get in the emotional high of advice like "Just Write." Write with purpose. Write with a goal. Write knowing that you're going to tell a story good enough to be put up on a big screen someday.
Know this. I don't have any interest in appealing to your emotions. I want to expand your mind and assure you that you really can do this, but you're going to have to put in the work. Screenwriting is no different than weightlifting in the sense that you can't just perform at the level you want to be at. It takes time. You have to know how to do things the right way. You have to approach this as if your life depended on it, and if you do, it will reward you in ways that can't be measured in dollars. Trust me.
Just don't fall for the hype. Decide for yourself that you're going to do the work.
-The Illiterate Writer
Most screenwriting advice on the internet comes from people like me. I'm not successful. I probably never will be. If I had a career making millions, I wouldn't have time to write this blog. It's hard enough to find time as it is.
If you already know more than I know about screenwriting and storytelling, then great. Hopefully I'll have the opportunity to learn someday. But I'm not writing this blog for you, I'm writing it for everyone who wants to be a writer and doesn't yet know all the things they need to know to get there.
Don't get in the emotional high of advice like "Just Write." Write with purpose. Write with a goal. Write knowing that you're going to tell a story good enough to be put up on a big screen someday.
Know this. I don't have any interest in appealing to your emotions. I want to expand your mind and assure you that you really can do this, but you're going to have to put in the work. Screenwriting is no different than weightlifting in the sense that you can't just perform at the level you want to be at. It takes time. You have to know how to do things the right way. You have to approach this as if your life depended on it, and if you do, it will reward you in ways that can't be measured in dollars. Trust me.
Just don't fall for the hype. Decide for yourself that you're going to do the work.
-The Illiterate Writer
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